You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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