I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
