Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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