i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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