you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
