We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
