I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
