I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it's like heaven, but drunker
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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