So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
