I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
