I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
