Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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