i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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