he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
