Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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