How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
