The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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