WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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