Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
