Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
