i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
