eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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