We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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