You really coming over, don't trick.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
