my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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