everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
