At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
