Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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