I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
