i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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