I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
