Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
