Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
