Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
