Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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