I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
