The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
