Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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