I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just want nice things and good sex
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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