I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize