Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
