I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
