Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
