found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
