ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
