I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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