Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
