hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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