Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
