We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize