How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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