don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
