break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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