so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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