Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
