Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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