ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
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So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
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soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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