hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
We need a shit load of segways right now
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
