he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
