This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Two words: nipple clamps
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