After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
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The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
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You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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