I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
