I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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