found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
